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Bus ka "Safar"/suffer
Ehsaan Quereshi - I liked this guy's style. The way he narrates his writings is something which I appreciate. His poems give you an experience of roller coaster, not that you will get an adrenalin rush, but it takes you up somewhere and then with some slapstick humor brings you down(even the intonation follows this principle). I have tried to write something which could be narrated in his style. If you plainly read the following lines then you will enjoy it but if you read it in Ehsaan bhai's style then i bet you will LOVE it!

Bus ka "Safar"/suffer
ek din main bus mein jaa raha tha
bus kaa driver bhi gajab dhaa raha tha
najaane kyon baar baar brake dabaa raha tha

main badi mushkil se sambhal paa raha tha
mera haath bhi handle se fislaa jaa raha tha

mera haath bhi kyaa kahun badaa shaitaaan hai
jo sambhaale naa sambhaltaa hai
jo nahi karna chahiye wahi kartaa hai

phir kyaa tha ,
bus handle se mera haath fisla , aur

ganje ki khopdi par jaake tehraa
ganje ne gusse se mujhe kiya ishaara
maine bhi chup chaap apna haath
uski khopdi se diya utaara , aur phir
maine liya handle kaa sahara , lekin

handle kaa mujhse shayaad puraana naata tha
use bhi mera saara hisaab aaj hi chukta karna tha

usne phir mujhe dhoka de diya , aur
maine haath phir usi ganje ki khopdi par rakh diya

is baar toh ganje kaa bhi chadh gaya paara
turunt hi khadaa ho gaya bechara

aur mujhse kaha , "baith , aa mere sar pe baith !!!"
maine kaha , "baith toh jaaun, par kyaa mujhe sambhaal paoge ?"
usne pucha , "kyon ?"
maine kaha , "itni chikni khopdi hai , kahin main vahaan se bhi fisal gaya toh ?"

public ko lagaa dum meri baat mein bhi tha , kyon ki
ganje ki khopdi pe tel zara bhi kum naa tha

ganje ne meri baat ko seriously nahi liya
aur jahaan baitha ta vahin chup chaap baith gaya

waise upar ki do panktiyon ke beech vaali ek ghatna
maine aapko nahi hai sunaai , kyon ki
hinsa se mujhe sakt nafrat hai mere bhai

aap samajh hi gaye honge mere haal kyaa hua hoga
aage jo hua woh aapke saamne hai aur
meri sujhi hui aankh bhi ab thik hone ko hai

is haadse ke baad main bus mein thoda aur aage badhaa
aur ladies seat ke paas jaakar hua khadaa

aurtein svabaav se naram hoti hai , par saavdhan
andar se kaafi garam hoti hai

yehi khayaal mere man mein aa raha tha , ke

tabhi driver ne phir brake dabaaya aur
mera haath bagal waali ladki ki kamar sair kar aaya
shaayad use yeh pasand nahi aaya , isliye
usne mujhe do kheench ke lagaaya

thappad kaa asar itna gehra tha
shaayad main vahin ho gaya behraa tha

woh boli , " yeh kyaa karte ho , jahaan ladki dekhi wahaan chance maarte ho ?"
main bola , "chance toh kyaa , dance bhi nahi kartaa
apni biwi ke alaava kisi aur ke saath romance nahi karta

meri mat hi gai thi maari , ke main is bus mein aakar tha chadhaa
aur baaki rahaa toh tumhaare paas aakar mein hua khadhaa

ab kabhi naa main bus mein savaari karunga
naa kisi ladki ki bagal mein jaakar khada rahunga

aise anubhav karne se behtar hai
main umr bhar paidal chalunga ......
main umr bhar paidal chalunga ......


Please do share some of your such 'anubhavs'!

11:03 PM | Category: , | 1 comments

You’ve got SPAM!
I arrive at the office and head straight to the pantry to have some breakfast. Co-workers meet up and we talk everything from the Large-Hadron-Collider to “Large-Hadron-Collider”;) . The wink should explain it all but if you are still dumb enough and don't understand what guys talk about then this post should help you out. After all the daily rituals, finally, I realize that it is time to do some work. Yes I do work when people are not watching me. Part of my work involves checking my e-mails. I get mails of different kinds everyday which range from daily tasks from my managers to some funny forwards from my friends. So I open my mailbox and check the first one. It says, “Make the small man in you stand strong and proud with our simple remedy ”. For a minute I sat there in stunned silence. I thought, “What was my manager even thinking before sending me such a mail, I mean what kind of task is this!!”. To my relief when I scrutinized the mail I found out that it was yet another SPAM!

What I don’t understand is that how on earth, for SPAM, someone comes up with a different subject everytime! I get SPAM wherein the subject says - Get hard lightning fast, Britney drops top at mall, watch her suck off, Reach so needed measurement, She'll beg for more, We offer you happiness, More pleasure wit less efforts, Get her in the mood every night, Take her in many different ways, but always deep!! and many, many more which makes the list endless.

Now, back to my work place. I go through my to do list. Start working on one of them and there it comes - another mail pop-up. This time it says “Pamela Anderson stunning porno dvd.” Get another one after that which says “Drew Barrymore Nu de. She's been known to take her top off for just about anyone. See her n'ked!” I am not sure what the spammers wanted to proove. Were they trying to say that, “Yes, we do SPAM about things other than your genitals!”? I like the content of the SPAM which I receive because tt is written very “articulately”. Now that is some skill which I would like to learn. Of course, not to market these products (but that's only for now, the IT industry may be in crisis anytime!) . They use words such as “rod”, “pole”, “gun”, “monster” and not the acutal words which may sound quite "indecent". Sometimes I do wonder if these spammers are actually some teenage girls!

Co-incidence is what I want to believe in. We talk about the news where a kid uses a gun in school to shoot his fellow classmates. Later, I see a spam which says “When your lassie sees your new big love gun, she'll be beside herself with excitement!Take a step towards pure male power!” I wonder why the kid did not use his "love gun" instead of a real gun. Atleast there would have been some peace!

Let me throw in few more from the ones which I have received today:
“Powerful help for boosting your libido and stimulate your girl to a new high.”
“Watch her writh in ecstasy from your longer length”
“Make your man rod thick and strong with our natural herbs. It worked for thousands of men worldwide. Now it’s yours."
“Drive her crazy with desire and lust once she sees your monster”
“She is crazy for you, and she will keep craving for you every night”
“Celebrate independence day in bed with your wife”
“Photos of your wife cheating you Video”

Quite innovative innit?

They are celebrating “Innovation Week” at my work place. Here they talk what innovation is all about and how to be innovative at your work place. Ironically, I started receving the most innovative spam during this time period!
1:17 AM | Category: | 0 comments

Power of One
I came across this advertisement in the newspaper today. Click here to check it out. It says 'I' can make a difference. Further down it says 'Believe in the Power of One'. This is when I remembered that long back i had actually written few lines on this punchline. Here they are:

Power of One
lets be one
lets drop all our guns
fighting with friends
will profit none
& lest we stop
killing mothers & sons
this earth will burn
like scorching sun
burning the hearts
of everyone
but before that happens
to anyone
lets be one
with my efforts
i have almost done
but for the rest
i need your help
will i get some?
if some day i do get some
that day i will show you
the 'power of one'

61 years of Independence?? Really?? - Give it a thought!
9:32 AM | Category: | 2 comments

An Unusual Gift.

Two weeks before my home leave I started doing some shopping. One weekend I was roaming around the Flea Market to find something unusual for my friends or relatives. The market looks something like the image on the left except for the fact that the stalls in this market do not have their name boards while the one which I visited had them. Not that there are not many gifts shops around but I guess this kind of market offers you a very good alternative to find some unusual things under one roof.

While I was roaming around and checking out different stalls, I came across one which had several chains on display. As I approached the stall I noticed that the lady at the stall didn’t seem to be interested in selling them. I had noticed how on approaching other stalls the stall owners had started greeting me. They ask you all sort of questions like, “What are you looking for?”, “How may I help you?” Or at least they don’t forget to mention about the best deals they have for ex: “Buy 3 for five euros only!” Not the way a pitchman does but in a polite manner. And this lady at the stall did not even greet. She was an English lady. I could say this because of her looks. After spending one and a half year on this island I guess anyone can distinguish between a Cypriot, an English and Russian lady just by a glimpse of her. Ahem! I will talk in detail but sometimes later on that topic. Back to our stall, the chains which were on display looked somewhat like the ones in the picture below.

I took one of them in my hand and started thinking. You know the typical act people do when they are doing some shopping. They will hold the thing they want to buy view it from different angles and while they are doing that there are various questions going on in the head like “Will she like it?”, “Worth it?”, “hmm okay” and other crap like that. I was doing the same – the self talk. “What kind of chain is this? Not sure if they are to be worn around neck or is just a bracelet. Anyways who cares, girls might be knowing it. I just have to gift it; rest will be taken care by them. But then is this a right place to buy jewellery? I guess not, the mall has better quality. No harm in asking the price. Arghg … racist lady .. why is she staring at me?? God forgive her, she knows not what she is doing. ” Then I asked her the price. The prices were not appealing as her. Also, the way she mentioned the price clearly showed away her enthusiasm to sell them! I simply moved ahead.

The stalls at this market were big. The name boards of these stalls were almost above 9 feet. This way if you are standing under a stall you won’t be able to read the name of the stall at which you are standing. You will have to move two or three steps backwards to do that. After few minutes of checking out other stuff and buying few things it was time to go home. As I turned, I saw the stall with chains and the lady. This time I could read its name. It read “Bra Straps”. At that point I was like “Ohhhh myyy goddd!!! ” I was very embarrassed for a minute but then started laughing hysterically after recollecting the entire incidence. Now, how the hell am I supposed to know what those chains, actually, were? Gifting them to my friends, sister or worst case mother would have been even more embarrassing. This would be difficult to understand for people who are not from India. Actually, I have never seen anyone using bra straps in my family. Not even anyone in my locality. We just see them on television. It is an accessory which girls from my place might have taken notice of but not me! Only after reading the name of the stall did the actual purpose of the chains dawned on me. Thank God I did not buy one of them otherwise it would have really been an ‘Unusual Gift!’
3:21 PM | Category: | 0 comments

Umeed se Dugna
Amitabh Bachhan. The name itself is enough. I believe it is his personality and character that make him superior and not his acting skills. I started admiring him after learning about his ups and downs of life. The way he came back after failure of the ABCL corp was simply commendable. He had been a superstar for almost 20 years but what happened after that? People just did not accept his films. Imagine what kind of turmoil he must have been through and also his audience. Jokes apart, we all know his success story and that is what makes everyone appreciate this guy. Well, who does not? Ah , wait a second I don't, actually NOW I don't to be precise. I was talking to my friend the other day and here is the piece of conversation that we had. "Amitabh is an over hyped personality." was my comment. "Come on, do you really mean there are many people who can act like him?", my friend defended. "I am not talking about acting skills but about the current status which he holds, the kind of impact he can make on people is tremendous and he never made the right use of it. At this stage of life he could do something good for the nation. If ever there are millions of people who would admire me, I would never be doing a world tour. I would rather concentrate on issues that would help me make a difference in the society. Of course, he his building colleges, donating money to charitable organizations and many other things but who doesn't do that? Its high time and he should start learning something from Aamir Khan. I guess you got my point." Awestruck, my friend ended the conversation at that point.

Things were different few years back. Back in my school days I always wanted to participate in KBC. I was under eighteen when the first season was being telecasted. By the time of second season I was eighteen. The promos of the second season were in full swing. I dialed the numbers everyday trying to answer the question of the day and hoping to get a call from the studio. In the second season the show was known as 'KBC-Dwitiya' and the punch line said 'Umeed se Dugna'. Almost all the participants who made it to the show were really excited about this unforgettable rendezvous with Mr. Big B. For the entertainment of the audience, the participants use to request him to say a dialogue or sing a song and sometimes the participants even read out poems written by them. I also wrote one. I never made it to the show to read this out to Mr. Bachhan himself so it goes here in my blog.

Umeed se Dugna

socha tha kabhi hum milenge aapse
magar hum mil naa sake
waise galti aapki bhi nahi thi , yeh toh kambakth computer thaa
jis wajah se aap humein bulaa naa sake

magar ek din pappu paas ho gaya
aur computerji kaa phone aa gaya

kaha , KBC mein aao aur
Umeed se Dugna paao

magar humne bhi kah diya ke ,
"naa chahein hum Umeed se Dugna
naa chahein hum Umeed se Tiguna
hum toh chahein bus Amitji se Milna"

akhir aaj sach ho gaya sapna
aur yeh ab toh humien bhi padega kehna , ke
vakai yahin milta hai Umeed se Dugna!

2:23 PM | Category: | 0 comments